March 27, 2005
A few of the 3:03 AM telltale signs that you’re getting over the affair of your ex-spouse:
- You’ve lost the ability to wander the house all hours of the night.
- You actually sleep through the night.
- If you do wake up, you recognize the many rewarding qualities of a warm bed.
- You’re generally irritated about everything, but can’t place the blame.
- Television properly bores you, once again.
- You realize the last murder you plotted was months ago.
- Except for television programming, of course. You may still find yourself regularly planning the gruesome murder of television programming, which is both a healthy and normal activity under any circumstances.
Does this differ from getting over the affair of a current spouse, I wonder? Not that I know anything from experience, but I’m wondering how the current spouse would react. One should always be prepared for all contingencies.
(Not that I’ve ever had another spouse, either. JUST WONDERING.)
It’s been my experience that cheating current spouses don’t really enoy being the target of murder plots ... so naturally the middle of the night wanderings around the house by the cheated on make the cheaters become very light sleepers.
It took me a couple of years to stop wandering. I still check in on my kids a few times a night but I usually get right back to bed. Congrats.
I am no spouse expert, although I have had the great fortune (or misfortune) to flip that particular coin on more then one occasion.
I would love to agree with Badaunt that a person should be prepared for “all contingencies,” but I’m afraid this is just not possible in the world of spouses.
Knowing what will happen between any two spouses is the equivalent of predicting the exact moment a flipped coin will choose to land on it’s edge - an entirely possible event, although as any one can imagine, also highly improbable.
RRRRRgh, I’m glad to hear it.
RRRRGH being a dinosaur sound we’re all making over here at my house, that somehow seems appropriate to the moment.
Sounds about right. Especially the part about the warm bed. Have you gotten to the stage where it’s rewarding to sleep in the middle?
I don’t think I’ve ever slept in the middle of the bed, even when I was little. I need to be by the edge, ready to spring out at a moment’s notice. I don’t want to miss a thing. I suppose I live life on the edge. Well, sleep life on the edge, anyway.