I’ve just received a very convincing letter from one of my uncles why Kerry should not be elected president.  It’s a copy of a forwarded letter from an Air Force Pilot who once flew Senator Kerry into Phnom Penh for some POW / MIA talks.

I could show you the whole letter, but it is much easier to sum it up with one sentence.

It seems that the good Senator Kerry stole a pizza meant for the crew.

Here’s my favorite line of the letter, when the supposed pilot sums up his political feelings:

You want a mega-millionaire ego-maniac, it’s-all-about-me, crew-eating-pizza-ite like Kerry or maybe a Green Party candidate like Ralph Nader?

Crew-eating-pizza-ite?  Did Kerry eat the crew and the pizza?  Why isn’t the media all over this thing?  And Ralph Nader?  What does he have to do with this?  The letter made no mention of Ralph Nader being in Phnom Penh.  Am I now to believe that he was there as well, eating stolen pizza?  Or worse yet, helping Kerry gulp down hard-working, Air Force crew members?  This has Khmer Rouge written all over it.

Vote carefully, my friends, because history, it seems, dies ever so slowly.  This is not just a vote for conservative or liberal.  It seems there are now pizza-ites moving among us, infiltrating all levels of society.

But then, any hungry college student could have told you that.